As my first post I think its appropriate to simply tell my story.
In July of 2007 I weighed 267 pounds and was sick to death of not being able to move or breath. I had tried every diet under the sun since I was 12 years old and the only thing that ever worked for me was a modified version of Atkins I had tried several years ago without even understanding what I was doing. That was the problem. I followed the advice of a very good friend, and didn’t really comprehend what I was doing. I lost a great deal of weight. I went from a size 16/18 to a size 4 in about 5 months. I didn’t starve, I just ate very very boring food. Ofcourse when I stopped I gained all my weight back, and because I didn’t develop self awareness and awareness of my food intake I had no clue how to stop the gain or how to take it off again. Like so many other fools I told myself that Atkins clearly doesn’t work long term and then moved on looking for another fad diet.
I knew there was something to the low carb thing, but that I had more to learn before attempting it again. So I went to search the internet for low carb information and why Atkins had failed me. I can’t recall what lead me to search for kimkins, I think it was a blog post or something. It sounded exactly like what I needed. If low carb on its own wasn’t enough for me, it must be that low carb, low fat and low calorie was it! I was excited, it sounded logical to me. In July, when I did a search for Kimkins, I found reference to the WW article and lots of good reviews, but nothing against the diet. I was ready to spend what I had to if only I could lose the weight. $59.95 for a lifetime of support didn’t seem like that much to ask for what I was asking in return. I took all of five minutes looking through the parts of the kimkins site I was permitted to before giving her my money.
I was desperate.
The fact that there was virtually zero information on the diet itself was just pushed aside, I told myself that if she gave away any information how would she make money on her diet. I justified it because I wanted to believe it was the answer. I justified everything that nagged at me. Could that woman on the front page, in that red dress really have been that grossly obese woman in the other photo? Surely WW wouldn’t have done the article if that was fake.
I paid my $59.95 with paypal, and dove in. The first thing I noticed was how simple it seemed. It also seemed barren, I knew this wasn’t going to be easy but I still justified it. I had a lot of weight to lose and I berated myself for allowing myself to get so fat and that I had to do this to lose. I told myself it was the price I needed to pay for being so lazy. Clearly I was already ripe for disordered thinking.
I started the diet immediately. I didn’t post often, but I gleaned all my help from the forums. When I had a problem I went in search of Kimmers words to others on the forums to find my answers. Quickly I learned that being sick to my stomach was a badge of honor, it meant I was doing it right. I learned that if I stalled I needed to cut more food out. I learned that I didn’t need water but soda and crystal light were perfectly fine. Thank goodness there were others there like Becky and Christin reminding some of us that if we were stalled try replacing the soda and crystal light with water instead or I would have been dehydrated quickly.
Very quickly my calories went down to about 300 or less a day and I was proud of it. Look how little food I actually need. I sucked it all right up, the praise Kimmer would give to someone eating like I was, I drank that up like it was meant for me. I lost 25lbs in about four weeks.
My husband retired at this time due to an illness and we planned to move across country from California to South Carolina. I was in a panic, how was I going to stay on plan and totally avoid food while on the road? I believe thats when I posted the most, asking questions about how to travel on the plan and posting my own ideas about how I was going to do it. I believe I posted something along the lines of canned chicken, canned tuna, boiled eggs and lots of low carb shakes. My ideas were clearly no more than 300 calories. I received only encouragement from everyone that posted. I went out and bought cans of tuna and chicken and a bag of hard boiled eggs and a case of EAS shakes.
Three days into our trip I was a mess. I couldn’t sleep, I had mouth sores, my throat was swollen and I had a constant headache. Yet I kept it up, the whole 2700 or so miles. It wasn’t until I got here with my face swollen and hardly able to speak that my husband was finally able to encourage me to back off the diet till I got better. I found that I was terrified to eat. I hadn’t felt that way since I was a chubby teenager. It was still somewhere in the middle of September until I was able to get back online and look for support.
When I came back, Christin, Becky and Deni were gone from Kimkins. I had no clue what was going on. I knew there were some folks having issues with the diet and there would be a bit of talking going on the forums but nothing to informative. Nothing I was able to see with my limited access at the time. When we finally got into the house we are in now and I was able to really figure out what was what I went digging at Jimmys site and found the thread at Kimkins where folks were being allowed to discuss all the anti-kimmer talk going on. Then one day that thread was gone, and people were disappearing. Thats when I went to LCF and decided it was time to really read the FWK thread, from start to finish. That is the thread that made me leave Kimkins. The information there when I was able to look past the anger and ugliness to get the information is what opened my eyes.
Suddenly I was one of the angry, I felt used and taken advantage of. There was not one moment I didn’t take responsibility for choosing to ignore so much that was right in front of me. I have always taken responsibility for choosing to follow that diet and that womans advice.
I don’t recall when I was banned from KK. That is when I joined the lawsuit however. I posted to a thread after Kimmer announced she was backing out and the diet was getting new owners. I was one of the ones asking who the owners were, that we had a right to know, and where was kimmer and what about our promised access to the diets creator. When admins essentially told us to shut up, I posted in response to SL “I hope Heidi chokes on the cervesa she buys with my $60” Remember at that time Kimmer was saying she wasn’t Heidi. SL banned me for that right away. I submitted a ticket asking for a refund and “Vanessa” responded some gibberish that an admin banned me not kimmer and denied my refund. That I still had access to the diet information just not the forums. I joined the lawsuit.
I still to this day struggle with my food. I am still afraid of my food but I’m getting better. I have actually read Atkins New Diet Revolution, and pick it up frequently. I have successfully added fat back into my diet and I feel loads better. My hair is still falling out in clumps and I’ve had a full blood workup which I don’t have the results back yet. I also have Fibromyalgia and have been thrown into a full flare up due to the torment I put my body through.
While I take full responsibility for my choices. Heidi Diaz must be stopped. I won’t stop until I see that woman in jail for fraud.
Kimkins: Dying to Lose! 